Today I almost started crying and walked out of a yoga class about 20 min into it.
I stood there, attempting to do tree pose, and looked around at everyone. Everyone else looked like they belonged there and I was a fat chubby lady who was trying to keep up. I started to feel total anxiety and could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.
So instead of packing up all of my belongings and running for the hills, I decided to stand my ground and just be present with what I could do in that moment, and just that day. No more comparing myself to the others in the room. They didn’t do anything to make me feel that way, nor did the instructor. I needed to recongize that I was letting myself go down a dark rabbit hole and needed to change my perspective. Just be me at that time.
And really, that is all that I could ask for.
Do what I can, with what I have, with the time that I have TODAY.
No matter if it is yoga or school or a job, that is all any of us have. It’s how you view that time and how you use it that makes the biggest difference.
I made a promise to myself that I wanted to move my body everyday. Today I took a step towards that end goal. I wasn’t perfect, nor did I feel good about everything that I did. But I did it.
Yes, there are days I fail. I let the days circumstances, or my work, or my children sometimes get in the way as an excuse, but today I took a step in the right direction.
The next thing I have to do, is do it again tomorrow.
This whole thing that we call life is a process. You are born, and you need to learn to crawl. You try and try and sometimes fall flat on your face, but eventually you crawl. Then you need to learn to stand on your own. You start with help from your surroundings, family and friends, but eventually you can stand on your own. Then you have to figure out how to walk on your own, then run. Each time you try to take a step, you may fall. But eventually...at some point in time...you take a step, then another, then another.
It’s about the journey and the progress you take in the right direction each and everyday. This is a conscious choice we have to make. If you want to walk in the direction of the life you want, then you need to make a clear choice everyday, to take a step in that direction. Some days the steps will be baby ones, others you may feel like you did a long jump event.
But you must keep going.
So I kept going thru the class. Trying my best to do each pose with what my body was giving me that morning. Even though I didn’t look like anyone else in that room or could do any of the poses like the instructor(who was amazing by the way), I just kept doing what I could.
Then at the end when you get a chance to lay back, and breathe and reflect on your class, instead of being relieved that it was over and slowly slink out of the room, I took my meditation time to say Thank you. I laid back, closed my eyes, and said Thank You to my body for allowing me to be present and alive in that moment. I thanked my heart for beating today all on it’s own without me having to tell it to. I thanked my body for allowing me to move and stretch and be strong where it could, and vulnerable when it couldn’t be strong. I thanked my very large chest(Since I’m breast feeding they have become rather large and I am SUPER self-conscious about it) for allowing me to feed my child and give her nutrients to grow up strong. I thanked my lungs for filling with oxygen and letting me live. I started to do this because I do not want to hate myself, or the things that I can do. I want to be thankful for what my body and my life are doing for me now because no matter what I can do or how I look compared to others, it is a beautiful thing what I can do on my own.
It’s in my mindset and my choices that my life will change. You have a choice everyday if you want to live a life full of gratitude and gratefulness or you want to live in comparison and hate.
Today I choose to be thankful for what I am and can do and not be resentful for what I couldn’t.
Tomorrow is another day and I will have the same choice.
What are you going to choose today? Are you going to be thankful for your life or resentful because it doesn’t look how you want?
No more excuses, the time is now. Set your mind to grateful and take a baby step into the life you want to create. You got this! I’m right there with you and am cheering for you from the sidelines.